The Gym Thing

Hi!

I'm sitting here, a bright red, sweaty mess having just gotten back from the gym and I thought now would be the perfect time to write a blog post... TMI?

Every time I go to the gym I have a bout of anxiousness before I go, worrying about all the issues I have with actually going to the public sweat box. 

I don't particularly care about losing weight, it would be an awesome bonus but that's not my main reason for going to the gym. I go to be fit and healthy. It usually makes me feel better about myself too if I'm having a shit day. However, I always worry about the kind of people that are already at the gym because, nine times out of ten, everyone I see at the gym looks like they're already as fit and healthy as they're going to get and they're just there to maintain it, which is fine, but I always worry about the fact that I'm not going to fit in (which is a stupid worry, may I add).

So before I go to the gym, everything bad that could possibly happen runs through my head.

1.

Everyone's going to be watching me... They're not, but that's what my brain convinces me is going to happen.

In reality, they're too busy getting on with their own workout (the whole reason everyone is there!) than bothering with me. As far as they're concerned, I'm just another person at the gym. I still have the same panic every time though.

2.

I'm going to go bright red and get horribly sweaty.

You have no idea how long it took me to convince myself that this is natural. Everyone gets sweaty and most people go bright red, whether it's their face, arms, legs, or all three - it happens. Apart from those few lucky people who appear normal throughout their entire workout; I envy these people. A lot. In my mind though, the redder and sweatier I am, the harder I'm working (because, trust me, I go fire engine red; it's not a flattering shade). It took me a long time to come to this realisation and it's gross, but true.

3.

Clumsiness.

I'm so clumsy it's unreal and I always have this little niggling feeling that something stupid is going to happen to me, like I'm going to fall off the treadmill, or my foot's going to slip on the cross-trainer. None of this has happened yet. I've kind of come round to the reality that it will one day but until that day I really need to stop worrying about it.

4.

All the different machines are scary.

Yes, I'm aware of how weird and slightly pathetic this sounds and maybe not all of them are scary but a lot of them can be. I usually stick to the cross-trainer, treadmill and rowing machine but sometimes I want to try something different and I'm too scared to, in case I have no idea what I'm doing when I get on it and look like an idiot. There are people at the gym who are trained and are supposed to help you with this kind of thing when you ask but I'm always too scared to ask them... Way to go, Katie.

5.

Weights.
I really, really, really want to get into using the weights because I'm not the strongest of people, I'm not weak either but it's something I should probably work on. There's normally a mass of guys with huge arms (HUGE) surrounding them though and that just puts me off because; one, I don't want to get in the middle of a group of guys just to use them; two, I'm not entirely sure how to use them and the last thing I want is them all watching me or, even worse, offering to help, my body can't deal with that kind of embarrassment. 

I'm not the biggest gym-goer and I'm not going to say "ooh, I love getting up everyday and going to the gym" because I don't. I love my bed and books too much. That bit in the movie Pitch Perfect, where Fat Amy does her horizontal running is perfect to me - why can't we just all do that all the time! However, once I get to the gym, I do genuinely enjoy it. It's something to do with serotonin levels being increased by exercise or something like that - my biology knowledge is not amazing but I'm pretty sure I learnt that at school once.

I'll get over my issues with the gym one day but until that day I'll carry on having my mini panic about those gym things before I go!

Katie x

Hair Problems

Hello!

Hair dye. Yep, we’re going there.

I’m nineteen years old and I have never once dyed my hair, I think I deserve a massive pat on the back for that, it's quite the achievement in my opinion! Every single one of my friends has dyed their hair at least once, most several, and I have not once given into the peer pressure! I’ve been getting really bored of my hair lately, though and I want to do something different with it. 

I’m against cutting it all off because, one; I’ve been growing it for a hell of a long time to get it to the length it’s at, and two; I’ll only like my short hair for a few months, max, and then I’ll want long hair again – something that I can’t just grow back at the click of my fingers.

I’ve tried fringes, no fringes, side fringes, all fringes and, again, I like them for a few months then I get bored of them too.

Then the other night I had a dream in which my hair was an ombré of my natural, dark brown colour and a honey blonde at the ends and it has made me seriously think about doing it. My problem? I’m not brave enough.

My hair is the one thing I love, and always have loved, about myself; I love the colour, I love it’s style (most of the time), it’s not really difficult to manage like some people’s, my hair has always been pretty nice to me and I’m scared, no, terrified, of ruining it.

I don’t want to do something as extreme as dye my hair and not like it, then not be able to get it back to my original colour and healthiness. I over-think, I know.

I’m so indecisive too, I can’t ever make a decision - I struggle to decide what I want for dinner every night! Even if I’m sure of which choice I want, I won’t make the decision in case someone else doesn’t agree!

I also considered maybe just putting in a few, little mulberry/cranberry red streaks but, again, I’m not quite brave enough, although I think that wouldn’t be quite as drastic as going full on blonde at the tips of my hair… I think a dark red could easily be disguised to with my colour hair if I decided I didn't like it.

I don’t knowwwww… I probably won’t end up doing it but I’d like to think I might. I really do want to… We’ll see...

Katie x

Story Time... Bite 2!

Hello!

So, a couple of months ago now, I posted a short story that I'd written. I was terrified. It was the first one I'd ever publicly posted and I didn't know what people would think about it, or if anyone would even like it and read it. 

It actually turned out to be quite a popular post (I was soooo happy with how it was received that I later posted a different story (HERE) if you want to check that one out, too). Back to the first story though; there was even one lovely man who commented telling me he'd love to read more of it at some point.

I had written more to it then but I wasn't happy enough with what I had to post it on the interweb for everyone to read. However, after a lot of editing, and basically just re-writing it actually, I think I'm happy with this little section, so I thought I'd post it on here!

Once again, I'm completely open to feedback and criticism - it's the only way I can ever improve!

So to Tim, who commented on not only the first part of this story, but the first story I'd ever posted for anyone and everyone to read, thank you so much. You have no idea how much that one little comment meant to me.

Here is part two of the story.

(If you didn't read the first part then just click HERE, otherwise I think you might struggle to make sense of this post and you're probably just wondering what I'm cracking on about!)

Bang, Bang - Part 2

“Don’t. Move.” The figure whispered.

Rose stood stiller than the statue in the town centre; the one that she sat under eating her lunch every day. Mundane memories like that seemed pointless now. She stayed in the exact position she had found him in. She was struggling to take breathes when necessary and the fear in her eyes couldn't be mistaken.

“I’m really sorry.” The figure whispered.

She was still facing him, her eyes staring into his. Rose could see the fear from her eyes mirrored in his. He was scared too. How can the one holding the killing device be the one that's scared? She thought.

“Please don’t move.” He whispered, again.

She wanted to nod. But she didn’t want to go against his commands. She didn't want to move. 

She stood still. 

Completely unmoving. 

Her heart pounding in her chest – she could feel it in her head. In her feet. She could feel her hearbeat everywhere. 

She continued to stay in the same position he had told her to; staring at his face. His scared face.

The sound of the trigger being pulled rang throughout the shop and Rose collapsed on the floor.

She stayed there for several minutes. Motionless. She had moved, though. She hadn't meant to. She'd moved. 

Rose mentally assessed her body, trying to focus on any points of pain. None made themselves obvious. She wondered if this meant she was already dead. She tried to remove herself from the darkness that was surrounding her. A pale figure was standing in her line of view, though. Her whole body jolted back, hitting a large shelf of tins, several of them falling around her. 

Great. Those can't be sold now. The boss is not going to be happy about that. She mentally chastised herself - she was in a do or die situation and she was thinking about some dented tins of peas!

She sat there, her body shaking, staring at the pale figure but all he did was continue to watch her. His deep, midnight blue eyes scared and… pleading?

He closed his eyes, squeezing them, like he was trying to crush images and memories with them. She took the moment to try and observe him. His pale skin made him look like he'd been hiding from the sun for his whole life. It was the first time that she had taken him in properly, his dark hooded jacket hid most of his face but there were still a few black strands of hair that managed to peek out. His head was bowed and his eyes still shut. Rose made a further assessment of him. His shoulders seemed broad but she couldn't see much underneath the baggy hoody. She noticed the dark circles under his eyes; they were more prominent thanks to his pale skin. He couldn't be any older than herself... Mid-twenties, maybe?

Rose tore her eyes away from him, looking to her right. The cash desk draw still sat wide open. She wondered why he was still here if he’d taken the cash. Why? Part of her hoped someone had heard the single gunfire bang as they were walking past the little shop . She knew it wasn't likely. Not many people randomly walked past the remote, village shop.

She averted her eyes to the right instead, her mind still swirling with “why’s”.

A growing pool of red covered the cream-tiled floor.

The gunshot hadn't been a mistake.

A whimper escaped her body, ruining her vow of silence.

A hand came out to touch her shoulder and she flinched. It jumped back to its owner’s side.

“I’m sorry.”

Rose finally looked at him. Her eyes meeting his. Her stare was that cold that he was the one to flinch next.

“I’m sorry.”

She was starting to wonder if those were the only words he knew.

The fear she had felt was being overtaken by anger; she quickly crawled to her boss’s side. Her hands fluttered around his wrist. She was once taught how to look for a pulse but she couldn't remember where the best place was to check for it.

She pressed her forefinger into his inner wrist, praying for something. Hoping.

“He’s already dead.” The voice was closer behind her than she had thought and she jumped again. “I made sure it was instant. He didn't suffer. It was quick. The bullet went straight through his heart. He didn't suffer.” The last three words were no more than an airy whisper so much so that Rose wasn’t sure whether she had heard it or imagined it.

“You murdered him.” Apparently from anger came bravery. Or stupidity. Rose couldn’t decide which.

“Please don’t say that.”

She turned to look up at him, only to find he was knelt down; at the same level she was.

“You murdered him.” She repeated. Her tone colder than the snow that crunched outside.

“Don’t say that!” He shouted and swiftly stood, turning his back to her.

Rose had found her answer. It was definitely stupidity. Her fear came back in full swing; her anger melting quicker than the snow would when the mid-day sun shone tomorrow.

A Mid Week Pick-Me-Up #4

Hello!

Today's little quote kind of links in with yesterday's post (HERE) but I love it because it's from one of my favourite books.

"Be brave." - Divergent (Veronica Roth)

Anybody who's read the book review I did HERE, on Divergent, will know just how much I love this book trilogy and this is definitely one of the quotes that stood out to me the most from it.

It's so simple. Just two words. "Be brave". I think it's perfect though. Those two words can mean a lot. It's so easy to be scared but it's not as easy to be brave; it only takes one scared person to make a brave person (oh, the irony).

Being brave can be as simple as saying yes or no to something you weren't sure of, or something you've never felt brave enough to do.

Be brave.

Katie x

Have you read the previous Mid Week Pick-Me-Up's?

A Mid Week Pick-Me-Up

A Mid Week Pick-Me-Up #2

A Mid Week Pick-Me-Up #3

A Mid Week Pick-Me-Up

Hello!

There are certain quotes and pieces of advice that I like to live by in life. I find a lot of them really help me pick myself up if I'm having a bit of a down day or if I'm struggling to put my mind into action on a day it's really not allowed to take a lazy day! So, I thought I would share one of them with you.

"Do one thing everyday that scares you." - Eleanor Roosevelt

I try my hardest to live by this, even if it's just the smallest thing that scares me, like going into the flat's kitchen when there are strangers in there. I know that sounds silly to some people but I'm really bad at being around people I don't know. I find it really awkward and it does scare me because I never know what to say, or do, or how to be around them and I get extremely anxious.

I don't even need to do something that scares me everyday, just once or twice a week I try and confront something and it will make me feel so much better for the rest of that day and probably even the next day and the day after that.

I'm not saying you should go skydiving or do a bungee jump, just try and do that small thing that scares you, whether it's driving in the rain, walking to a shop, being in a crowded room, anything. Just try it. Even if you don't manage it at least you can say "I tried my hardest to confront something I'm scared of today and I'm proud of myself for that", then try it again another day.

Katie x